Many people hire a wedding planner, but no one thinks to plan a divorce which is more complex. What happens is predictable. No plan, no goal, just money down a rabbit hole. Money to the lawyers, lost custody battles, lost assets, and lots of surprises.

People come to me miserable and complaining about their lawyers and how their case is falling apart. What do I hear the most?

Losing custody to abusers

Losing money to spouses who hide assets.

Spent a lot of money and see no results.

Talked into expensive referrals to therapists, accountants and others.

The attorney is too busy to talk.

The attorney missed a deadline or didn't do discovery.

Ignored by the attorney.

Verbally abuses them.

Threatens to quit right before a trial or hearing if more money isn't paid right away.

How did it get to this point? You felt so comfortable in the first meeting. The attorney promised you the moon and you felt so taken care of.

The problem is this: divorce has become a cash cow as it has become increasingly popular and complex. It has become so expensive that half of the divorcing population can't even afford an attorney and are forced to represent themselves. The attorneys often come from other specialties (often personal injury) because they hear how much money they can make in family law. Family law isn't taught in law school, these attorneys are learning on the job. Worse, they don't know anything about finances and complex issues with stocks, corporations or even a family business. They don't know where to look for hidden assets, and if they do, they don't know how to litigate in this area. Women are often unschooled in finances and the power imbalance of the economic situation forces them into a situation where they leave a lot of community property money on the table.

Is every attorney a bad one? No, and if your case is simple, almost any attorney can walk you through it. The problem arises with more complex cases. Even family law "specialists" are no guarantee of competency, though their ads might make you think otherwise.

Don't look for A Rating in attorney ranking books. They are useless. Your friend's attorney may be a place to start but each case is different, his or her attorney may be incompetent in your case.

"It can sometimes take an attorney to size up another attorney- and the weak ones out there are legion - and the "certified" ones can be certified idiots - unfortunately." Those are words from a litigator who assists people in choosing attorneys. He brings skills from his background to help others identify a good attorney. A 'good' attorney has a goal for your case based on a thorough understanding of the issues. A good attorney knows when to negotiate, when to fight and how to do it so you don't spend all your money doing so. If he doesn't know something, he is REQUIRED by law to tell you - and help you find someone who can. Don't wait until you have lost to find out that your attorney didn't know and didn't tell.

Plan your divorce more than you planned your wedding. Begin by outlining the issues in your case. Be able to say, in 25 words or less, what the issues are. Attorneys like brevity, and charge (a lot) for chatterboxes. Interview different attorneys and look for someone who thinks linearly. You have a goal and if you end up in a "process", you will come out "processed". That is not what you want. You want clear thinking, strategy thinking people on your case that have the time to work on it. This may not be the big fancy firm with the oriental carpets and a view of the city. If the attorney has no time for you, who are you paying? The paralegal?

Divorce is expensive and emotionally distressing. Who do you want on your team? If you chose the wrong one, GET RID OF HIM. You may be told, "it won't look good to the court." The attorneys I know and trust respond, "The court doesn't care, get the attorney you need." If your gardener kills your plants do you keep him on the job? Of course not. Isn't your divorce more important than the plants?

The skill set you need from an attorney may not be how to fill out forms. It may be asset management skills, financial analysis or an understanding of how to handle the abuser in a custody battle. Learn from someone who knows how to determine what your needs are and match that list with the attorney's skills.

Remember: Goal oriented, not process oriented - and every play has to be made towards the goal. Keep focused, objective, and cut your losses if you have to, but keep moving. You want to get out, get to the other side and you can't do that if your attorney is holding you back.

Find out more. Never stop learning or planning.

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